well I didnt write for a long time....I have been dealing with my inlaws again. I am trying to help my husbands sister, I really feel like that is the right thing, I just know in my heart I need to do whatever I can for her....and of course that side of the family is on the warpath for me and Mike. thats ok though, this time he sees it and he's on my team...or more like I'm on his, he's just finally figured out which one his is.
I am sitting on my parents back porch in washington, looking at my moms roses......listening to a fine frenzy. wondering where my two year old ran off to.....he sure loves to be outdoors!
I have been in a dark place since Mike left, the things that have grown in my heart...well I'm ashamed of them. and I dont know quite yet how to dig myself out. I think this trip was the first few steps though. I started smoking....it calms the stress. unfortunately the stigma attached to it also makes me feel like a failure....but I guess I just need time. lots of time. and I need my husband home. but that will happen in 11 weeks. I'm so excited.
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