my little boy just came to me with his little toy car, with a tire in one hand. he was crying, so I put the tire back on while he wailed. then he took the car and walked back to his toys. then he came back again just a second later with the tire off again and threw it in my lap...and I put it back on again. he is now back in the living room with his toys. he is only one and a half. my little baby boy knows to bring broken things to his mommy to fix. I hope he carries that feeling throughout his life...taking his broken things to his heavenly parent to fix. I know I'm not good at that. I just carry around broken things...thinking I can do it myself. but I'm just human...a clumsy baby human who cant fix spiritual and emotional things. if my toddler knows to bring things to the one who loves him and cares for him...how can I not know?
I didnt really get to exercise today because my neighbor came over with her two kids. she needs me to be her friend, but its sooo frustrating when it cuts into the time I need for my health and my peace of mind! (aka naptime) but she showed me some emails she found between her friend and her husband, where they were alluding to something physical they did together, (we dont know exactly what) and discussed the possibility of doing more. my poor friend is heartbroken and furious...but not secure enough to try to get him punished by his unit. cheating is against marine corps rules, if a wife complains, a husband can get punished FOR REAL. most wives dont know that around here. she is a hardworking mom of two and my heart breaks for her. I hope his heart changes soon!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
all things old are not outdated
I was reading "pride and prejudice"....because Jane Austin is of course amazing, and the mother in the story is flitting around wailing that her youngest married daughter is moving far away, and wont be there to spend each day near her mother as a daughter should. that got me thinking.
I have been thinking about the future, thinking about what sort of house I want, what sort of nice things I want to have, and it makes me more and more depressed. pick up Ecclesiastes in the bible. I know exactly how Solomon feels. I keep thinking about what I'd like to have, and I keep buying things, and I am for sure THANKFUL for all the things we have now in this big beautiful house...but it feels meaningless sometimes because...I'll keep striving for more, for happiness, and then I'll die. it didn't feel right.
I want to move into my parents house when they get to the point where they could use help. I want to have the old fashioned family legacy. I want to help them and keep them safe until God wants them to go....I want to set that example for my kids, because I would love for them to care enough about me to want to care for me when I'm old. and how pleased I would be to have them come back to me, in the family house that my parents built, and take care of me, and let me have my grandchildren and great grandchildren around me! I want that for my parents, I want it for me, I want it for the whole family.
where did the old fashioned traditions go? and what in heaven's name was ever wrong with them in the first place???
I miss the country, and I love my parents home, I love my parents, I love their gardens that they and us kids have made together over the years in our different houses, I like Dad's motorcycle, I like the location they live in, I DEARLY MISS the housechurch I grew up in, I miss the piano I learned to play on....I want my kids to live in that house and show their kids pictures of their great grandparents building it.
what happened to family legacies? these days it seems the only legacy many parents leave behind are mistakes and emotional baggage and debt. I want so much more than that. and I think God wants more than that FOR me, and for my family, and for every one of his children.
and when I look toward THAT kind of future, I am not depressed. I'm SO excited for every second of it...I'm not scared of being old. I want to see my greatgrandchildren. and those who are afraid of age, and who dont care about those who come after them....they are missing the point. its not the stuff you get, although I think homes are important in families, but its about the family! every member born. I want to hug as many of them as I can before I die. thats what really matters, God, and the church family and real family he gave you.
I have been thinking about the future, thinking about what sort of house I want, what sort of nice things I want to have, and it makes me more and more depressed. pick up Ecclesiastes in the bible. I know exactly how Solomon feels. I keep thinking about what I'd like to have, and I keep buying things, and I am for sure THANKFUL for all the things we have now in this big beautiful house...but it feels meaningless sometimes because...I'll keep striving for more, for happiness, and then I'll die. it didn't feel right.
I want to move into my parents house when they get to the point where they could use help. I want to have the old fashioned family legacy. I want to help them and keep them safe until God wants them to go....I want to set that example for my kids, because I would love for them to care enough about me to want to care for me when I'm old. and how pleased I would be to have them come back to me, in the family house that my parents built, and take care of me, and let me have my grandchildren and great grandchildren around me! I want that for my parents, I want it for me, I want it for the whole family.
where did the old fashioned traditions go? and what in heaven's name was ever wrong with them in the first place???
I miss the country, and I love my parents home, I love my parents, I love their gardens that they and us kids have made together over the years in our different houses, I like Dad's motorcycle, I like the location they live in, I DEARLY MISS the housechurch I grew up in, I miss the piano I learned to play on....I want my kids to live in that house and show their kids pictures of their great grandparents building it.
what happened to family legacies? these days it seems the only legacy many parents leave behind are mistakes and emotional baggage and debt. I want so much more than that. and I think God wants more than that FOR me, and for my family, and for every one of his children.
and when I look toward THAT kind of future, I am not depressed. I'm SO excited for every second of it...I'm not scared of being old. I want to see my greatgrandchildren. and those who are afraid of age, and who dont care about those who come after them....they are missing the point. its not the stuff you get, although I think homes are important in families, but its about the family! every member born. I want to hug as many of them as I can before I die. thats what really matters, God, and the church family and real family he gave you.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
looking for an answer
nope this isnt spiritual. its really rather vain and unimportant. but I must know.
I have been walking on the treadmill for a week or so, I did four days, skipped four days, got back on it today. I dont get much done with mike is home. as an aside, this is because he is gone so often that when he is home I find my body propelled to whatever room he is in. I sort of hover. its a little embarrassing actually. I have a mental block against doing my own thing when my husband is home. I get over it after he's been home a few days or a week or something...but I still have a hard time exercising when he's home. couldnt really say why. ANYWAYS. my question!
when I'm on the treadmill I wear sweats. its in my garage and I want to sweat. I go for about forty five minutes, while speedwalking. I pump my arms in different directions to songs I like, just for the extra bit of work for my heart. I go two or three miles depending on if I do an hour or forty five minutes, and it tells me I burn 3 or 4 hundred calories.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO DO THIS BEFORE I SEE SOME WEIGHT COME OFF???
I'm dying of a lack of motivation. I need a light at the end of the tunnel...it would make it infinitely easier. any one got an idea??
I have been walking on the treadmill for a week or so, I did four days, skipped four days, got back on it today. I dont get much done with mike is home. as an aside, this is because he is gone so often that when he is home I find my body propelled to whatever room he is in. I sort of hover. its a little embarrassing actually. I have a mental block against doing my own thing when my husband is home. I get over it after he's been home a few days or a week or something...but I still have a hard time exercising when he's home. couldnt really say why. ANYWAYS. my question!
when I'm on the treadmill I wear sweats. its in my garage and I want to sweat. I go for about forty five minutes, while speedwalking. I pump my arms in different directions to songs I like, just for the extra bit of work for my heart. I go two or three miles depending on if I do an hour or forty five minutes, and it tells me I burn 3 or 4 hundred calories.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO DO THIS BEFORE I SEE SOME WEIGHT COME OFF???
I'm dying of a lack of motivation. I need a light at the end of the tunnel...it would make it infinitely easier. any one got an idea??
the colors in beautiful
this is the painting I did last night. can anyone tell me what flower it is? if you can then I know one of two things...or both. I painted it well, and you know something about flowers. :)
AND I'm back.
wow its been awhile. I had my parents here, that was amazing, then I had a friend here, that was fun but not the kind of thing I'd like to last forever. haha.
I've been trying really hard to get on the treadmill every day. look how well its going, the last time I was on was four days ago.
I finally got medication for migraines, it just disturbs me that on busy days I could take them every day!
on to more important things. I wrote two songs. and painted another painting. I did it all yesterday. hah probably because I took a slimquick pill and drank coffee at the same time...(its all caffeine) and then cleaned my whole downstairs...clean energizes my creativity...then I wrote and painted AND played video games. and took care of my kids! I amaze myself once in awhile. heres my songs.
(explanation: a song about doing whats right, and what happens to those around you when you do)
LET YOUR HEART BREAK
"make a choice, take a stand
find out who your friends are
pray, consider, weigh with care
so everyone can be critical
do you see that? they all disappear
do you feel that? now your alone
do you care?
should you care?
Isnt it painful? Isnt it lonely?
but no one likes being shown the mirror
dont feel hate for them
no, dont feel hate for them
let your heart break for them
you agonize, you toss and turn
think how to keep them near you
you know to try to please the world
is the worst thing you could do"
(explanation: my dad has a beautiful melody he made up and I wrote the things it made me think of when he plays it...with the fact that he's a grandparent in mind. the garden part is for my mom...but just enjoying the garden instead of actually gardening sounds more like daddy. haha all kidding aside, this is for my parents, and for the song dad wrote)
CHILD OF MY CHILD
"little flowers leap and dance
circle all around me
upturned faces, golden glance
my how fortune found me
how long I waited for you...
in my garden sweetness grows
the purest form there is
there is wisdom in a childs love
to teach why we exist
child of my child...
dance around me, little blooms
fill with light these empty rooms
let me hear your laughter
show me things that make you smile
walk with me a little while
lead me into the sun
child of my child..."
so thats that. picture of the painting later when I take it.
I've been trying really hard to get on the treadmill every day. look how well its going, the last time I was on was four days ago.
I finally got medication for migraines, it just disturbs me that on busy days I could take them every day!
on to more important things. I wrote two songs. and painted another painting. I did it all yesterday. hah probably because I took a slimquick pill and drank coffee at the same time...(its all caffeine) and then cleaned my whole downstairs...clean energizes my creativity...then I wrote and painted AND played video games. and took care of my kids! I amaze myself once in awhile. heres my songs.
(explanation: a song about doing whats right, and what happens to those around you when you do)
LET YOUR HEART BREAK
"make a choice, take a stand
find out who your friends are
pray, consider, weigh with care
so everyone can be critical
do you see that? they all disappear
do you feel that? now your alone
do you care?
should you care?
Isnt it painful? Isnt it lonely?
but no one likes being shown the mirror
dont feel hate for them
no, dont feel hate for them
let your heart break for them
you agonize, you toss and turn
think how to keep them near you
you know to try to please the world
is the worst thing you could do"
(explanation: my dad has a beautiful melody he made up and I wrote the things it made me think of when he plays it...with the fact that he's a grandparent in mind. the garden part is for my mom...but just enjoying the garden instead of actually gardening sounds more like daddy. haha all kidding aside, this is for my parents, and for the song dad wrote)
CHILD OF MY CHILD
"little flowers leap and dance
circle all around me
upturned faces, golden glance
my how fortune found me
how long I waited for you...
in my garden sweetness grows
the purest form there is
there is wisdom in a childs love
to teach why we exist
child of my child...
dance around me, little blooms
fill with light these empty rooms
let me hear your laughter
show me things that make you smile
walk with me a little while
lead me into the sun
child of my child..."
so thats that. picture of the painting later when I take it.
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