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AFV

last night I got on youtube before bed and found some montages from america's funniest home videos.  I laughed so hard I cried and had to force myself to breathe. nothing better than kids and animals doing the stuff they do best!

I am

totally, completely  heartbreakingly homesick right at this minute. very lonely. very sad. its just hit me all of a sudden, theres no reason except maybe it was building.  but I'm very sad right now.  and I'm actually crying, and I never cry.  I miss having friends. I miss having someone be happy to see me instead of coming home from work with a scowl and barking at me until I yell at him to knock it the hell off.
 I miss seeing flowers once in a damn while. trees, hell, bushes would do. something besides dirt and weird landscaped grass thats squishy and collects water and saves it for days so that you sink in and get wet a week after it rained.
    just because there are a few people around doesnt mean the word "isolated" doesnt apply. I can see the walls. they are really effing ugly.

the root that trips you in the middle of the path

 Not only have I not blogged recently, but some people are wondering how I am...I am pretty good. these are the things going through my head recently.

 I'll be glad when august comes and we are out of california, because although I have friends here, my childless ones either work or go to school, and the ones with kids have gone back home for their husbands various deployments and things. so its been a few months since I spent time with a female friend. I didnt realize that till the other day, and I suddenly feel that its not ok to never be around your girlfriends. I have no encouragement, I dont get to chat about things that a girl would want to...it just gets a bit old to always have to fight the boys off the video games, sit through a sick horror flick to earn my turn at picking a movie...I miss girl time.

 A new neighbor moved in kitty-corner behind my house, and has seen the kids playing on the back deck and banging on the sliding glass door at each other...whoever this person is, they are concerned that I am locking my kids out  or something like that, so they called child protective services. they'll be looking in on us for the next month.

I've finally stopped waiting around for the hubby to be ready for bed, and started going to bed early by myself. man is it ever nice to get more sleep!

Matthew is learning more table manners, talking more and more every day, and responding pretty well to time outs. :) Ava has suddenly developed a two year old little girl attitude....so I'm having to do more time outs with her too. not sure if they are working, she hangs on to her attitude a WHOLE lot longer than Matthew does even after shes sat all by herself for several minutes. So, on my to-do list, find the method of discipline that will work on an extra stubborn child.

fun in the sun (and mommy had a camera)

doing nothing

I was told yesterday that I do nothing all day. Then I think about the lives of people who dont have children, or who are wealthy enough to employ nannies.......alright. I give up. I do nothing all day. I do alot of nothing. I do so much nothing, that I almost never ever get to do the something that I actually would like to be doing.
Screw you America. You and your league of work-force women who's employment makes husbands assume that wives who stay home to be mothers are really staying home to do "nothing". I could chew up nails with my teeth and not feel a thing, it makes me so frustrated. yesterday, to the outside world, it looked like I did nothing. in fact it felt like I did nothing. because toddlers dont talk better in a day, they dont potty train in a day, and evidence of interaction with adults doesnt show up in a day.

By God, one of these days I swear I really will do nothing, and let everything else go to hell.

clocks

daylight savings time is messing with my head. I was never a morning person but now its even worse. I'm tired all the time....and my allergies are kicking up. I woke up this morning with eyes so swollen I can hardly see out of them. the bedroom window was open because my husband cant sleep at night unless the temp is frigid and the fan is blowing it all on us. so all those little particles come in my window and puff up my eyes while I sleep. i've been up for a few hours and one part of my eye still hasnt gone down.
i'm also about two days into being out of cigarettes, I'm trying not to buy more, at least for awhile. I'm trying to see how much I can handle. its not going well, I'm ready to bite someones head off.

spring into the blooms

everytime I step outside to potty the dogs I look at the little green shoots that are my formerly majestic plants. and oh how I long for spring. I want flowers, and real foliage. the only thing doing well as far as early blooming and such is my aloe plant, which I brought inside and started watering in a window virtuously. it went from the brown its been all winter to a bright pretty green almost immediately. thats something I guess.

new dog, new bed, new train!

This is the Thomas the Tank Engine train that gramma and grampa got the kids! its so fun, and Matthew slept in it last night. thank you gramma and grampa!
This is me and the new puppy. hes about two years old. hes got waaaay too much energy!

Matthew, the silliest boy.

Our new bed, with matthew jumping on it.

ava showing off the last remnants of her black-eye.

end of the motivational rope.

i'm so unmotivated. and irritable. why cant I be like everyone else who writes cheerful blogs full of thankfullness and interesting pictures...I never take pictures. not really. because its the SAME EFFING THING EVERY DAY. why oh why would I want to take pictures of my sink full of dishes....the house that the kids trashed for the seventh time in 24 hours.....I need people around. I'm going crazy. thankfully Todd and Ivy are coming over for a barbecue this weekend. we do that fairly frequently. its just the four of us, we make a huge mess, eat, sit around and watch movies, then they leave and it takes me days to wade through the mess left over. I gotta find a way to do something about that.

we got a dog. hes great except his previous owner said she gets up at about seven or eight and then he goes to the bathroom in the morning....so WHY in the name of all that is holy has he been waking me up at four in the morning to go potty????

we got a new bed...I love it. its beautiful. a dark leather sleigh bed.

dont mind me. I'm probably just hormonal...which hopefully will explain why I feel like picking a fight with my inlaws and kicking puppies. I'm just kidding about the puppy thing though. psht. lol