peeking out my window

ok I've been gone forever. I have good excuses tho. here they go.
first, the computer stopped letting me log into certain sites. and this was one of them.
then, Mike deployed.
then, ava got croup
then, matthew got an ear infection
then, I got sick
then, ava played with a flathead screwdriver and went to the emergency room for sliced open forehead.

those are my excuses. anyways, here I am.


I also havent written because I have been in a morbid mood for the past month. my husband is gone, my kids keep getting sick, I'm very lonely, and rarely feeling bright and cheerful. my sense of humor has swung over to the pithy, dark humor I take on when I feel like life is unbearable. its ok though, its a coping mechanism for me. I deal with feeling hopeless by making really morbid jokes about it. it truly amuses me. and it helps. for example.

Dear Deployment,
I hate your guts. you should die in ugly painful way, choking and screaming. your meu's are a joke and your modes of communication are an insult to technology. since I never get to talk to my husband, you might as well give him the message that I love him and miss him. you piece of crap.
with absolutely no well wishes, Carol.

see now? thats funny. and twisted. and it helps.

I'm watching the seeds I planted in my flower beds carefully. they are taking absolutely forever to grow, especially when I'm on my knees watching them intently for several minutes each day.

good news, my fantastic friend had her baby, her baby is beautiful and fat and sweet and kind of ornery like her parents.

other than that, I get up every day, I make breakfast, the kids basically paint the kitchen with it, they get down and play, I change diapers, nap time, I try to pick up, they up, more diapers, more cooking, more mess, more playing...and so on till bed. at which point I fall into it exhausted aaaaannnnnnddddd......lay there completely unable to sleep. fantastic huh? I know I know...everyone wants to be me. ;)