death, destruction, the fall of man...and my heart is breaking

today is my twenty first birthday. and I have been crying for the past few days. someone really amazing died...I have been under a weight of sadness for my husband, who still struggles with the pain of his parents selfishness, and the country I love chose death for the unborn, punishment for the earnest and diligent worker, and contempt for true freedom. I am heartbroken.

what am I giving my children?? I feel like I was selfish to have them. I feel like I bore them into a time of sadness. I want to write down the introduction that Max Lucado wrote in my bible before the book of Jeremiah. It makes me cry every time I read it, and it sums up how I feel about America's church today, its failings, and its foolishness.


"No church would hire jeremiah. He wouldnt make it past the first interview. Better still, he wouldnt even make it to the interview.
he had little stomach for organized religion. One can hardly blame him. what he saw would nauseate the worst of us.
He saw raging immorality. He saw blatant idolatry. He saw unbridled hypocrisy. He saw priests who sold out to the highest bidder. he saw kings who lived out his worst nightmare.
Were his head a niagra, it wouldnt generate enough tears for him to weep. like Job, he cursed the day he was born, and again, you can hardly blame him. it was a rotten day in which to live.
He could see the writing on the Babylonian wall, but you'd think he was the only one who knew how to read.
in the end, the walls fell, just like he said. the temple was raided, just like he prophesied. and the people were bound like slaves and led into Babylon.
to his credit, he never said, "I told you so."
He remained behind and walked among the ruins and did what he did most of his life. He wept."


I feel like the Jeremiah of my age group sometimes. I'm the only one who believes there is NO time that it is ok to kill an unborn human. NO circumstance, NO medical emergency. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd screaming that we are about to lose it all, and everyone around me is holding out their wrists joyfully to be bound.

I am scared for my children.