found one!

found a BLIP of an intellectual moment. it wasnt huge. it was just a blip, a realization that there is more to explore for me. I was listening to the rebecca st. james song "lion". she says "it feels just like i'm living in the lions mouth...but the lion is an angel."
I took a moment to think of the image it gave me of God as a lion, and the fear of living right near the teeth, but knowing that he would fight FOR me not against me. I had never given three seconds to the lion, protector God. I'm fed up with the wishy washy one, and I feel at odds with the forgiving one, but the lion who stands in front of me in my battles.......that one hadnt even crossed my mind. all these things were just images and feelings in my head, so I know I'm not writing them the way I felt them. I'm doing my best to put it all down here.......but I realized that I liked the image of the warrior the best. it made me feel the best. I know God isnt all about how we feel. but I feel pretty crappy about my relationship with God most of the time, so it was nice to suddenly have these amazing good thoughts and feelings racing around in my head. it made me feel stronger, less afraid.....and it even helped me to skip past the "how can God forgive me" feeling. I'm trying to paint an image. the words "God forgave me" are layered directly behind the lion standing with me to protect me. they are behind it because to see my hero who hauls me through this lifes battles, I have to already know that he forgives me for letting him down over and over and over again.
all that from a split second feeling that got left in the dust when my kid threw his orange slices on the floor.

I was watching my guilty pleasure show "one tree hill" today...it was an entire episode about a kid who felt invisible, walking to school with a gun and holding a whole bunch of the main characters and some smaller characters hostage. it made me really sad. it brought up a few thoughts I've pondered on...
kids can be cruel...and parents need to pay more attention to how their kids treat people.
parents need to pay attention to their child who isnt liked, and teach them why jesus died in the first place
and now my final thought, I really think teachers and principles should be certified to carry a handgun on their person. if a student knows that in every room of the school there is an adult with a weapon who knows how to use it, he'll think twice before picking up a gun and waving it around.
OR....maybe THIS is my final thought. homeschool your freaking kids people.

I made chili, and I cut up garlic and now my hands smell like it. ew.